Mafia Gazette Past Issue 75
The Mafia Gazette Issue 75 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 10th January 'CONCEPTUALIST WILD-CARD BUSTED ' One of the Conceptualist’s loosest cannons was today killed following an attempt to murder Los Angeles Made Man, Dave_Courtney, Las Vegas Made Man, The_Persecutionist and several other members of our community. A spate of muggings and shootings started late last night and only ended in the early hours of this morning when The_Persecutionist brought down Stormrider as he returned fire after being shot at. Stormrider appeared to start his mugging and attempted killing spree in Atlanta as a Gangster, one of the oldest members of the community, stepped off the plane, instantly being mugged. When Stormrider was challenged about his actions, he merely laughed and fired upon the unnamed Gangster. The Gangster and his Boss then pursued him in an attempt to bring him down, but he eluded his pursuers and was thrown in jail by the local police. He remained in prison long after his sentence expired, allegedly bribing officials to allow him to prolong his stay. On his release however, it appears that he made his way over to the West coast where he continued his string of muggings and shootings, although he seemed to have less luck on making money. It is known that on several occasions while attempting to mug people, he actually ran off with less cash than he started with leaving his victims better off. He still shot at all the people he tried to mug, and there were several bodyguards injured and killed in the subsequent fire-fights. The wild card of The Conceptualists has dealt the whole group a very bad image although it is certain that this particular lineage will be rejoining the group as soon as the next member of the family appears on our streets. Whether that new recruit to the group will do more damage to the reputation of the already vilified gang or whether they will tame the rogue remains to be seen. 'DISRESPECT HINDERS RECRUITMENT ' Many bosses are now facing a problem with recruitment in to their crews and families, namely the falling number of suitable applicants in our community. More and more people join our community on a daily basis, but are these new people up to the job of being in a family? Many of the established families will only take on new members if they know the bloodlines of the recruit, effectively shutting the door on those new to the shores. Others are very wary of taking on people they don’t know the history of. The ones who do recruit from the unknown segment of our community run the risk of picking up a bad crewmember despite what seems to be careful vetting. A recent example saw a boss speaking to a prospective member before issuing an invitation to the family, arming the individual to allow him to defend himself in case of an attack, then seeing the new recruit head out and start mugging and shooting. The recruit was quickly taken down after it became apparent that attempting to restrain or chastise him was of little or no effect, but actions like this deter leaders 'THE START OF A NEW ALLIANCE ' By: Gazette Freelance For the past few weeks, numerous actions were taken to kill off many of the Bosses located in all cities. These actions have brought an idea to a fellow resident of Las Vegas. His idea was to form an alliance force known as the LVA (Las Vegas Alliance). The LVA is an alliance of Bosses currently located in Las Vegas. The LVA would help ensure the safety of others in the community, as well as clearing the problems currently lurking in the streets. Every Boss is obligated to take responsibilities into their own hands, no questions asked. They are also given a set of rules to follow, which should be the guideline when it comes to LVA issues. Any of those who choose not to follow the specific rules will be kicked out of the alliance and free to do as they feel with no protection. The protection provided to the LVA is particularly important, because everyone needs to be protected in times of need, as well as having an alliance with those who are fear throughout the Community. Not much is known about who started the LVA, all we know is he is trying to form the LVA for the good of Las Vegas and not to corrupt it. In addition to information disputed, there are hopes in the future more will be known, at the moment, all we can hope is all goes well with the success of LVA. 'THE PRESENT PAST OF OUR FUTURE ' By: Kudos Jr The Earth is round, the sky is blue. These are facts of life and so is this; killings have always happened and always will. Now close your eyes and take a step back from reality, but not too far you don't want to fall off the edge of the Earth now do you! Cast your minds back, if you can, to the period of calm before the storm. Yes. I'm talking about the period before these New Years killings, before these Conceptualist members. Cast your minds back further. When was there last a big fuss about pointless and senseless killings? I'll tell you. Many veterans can remember the horrors of the St Valentine's Day Massacre. Now that was brutal. Enough has been said about that however so I won't touch on that. However, there has always, can I just add an emphasis to that, ALWAYS been senseless killings. So why do people do these things? Do they not care for this community? Do they want to test out their new toy? Of course! These are the reasons our children aren't safe to play out anymore! These are the reasons why our streets are littered with made men, street bosses and hoodlums. These are the reasons why our sea is polluted with cement footed Mafioso’s! Heck, my family have recently fallen victim to a spate of murders ourselves! But should we be angry? No. Just place your gun out of children's reaches. We can always expect killings for no reason and there is no way that will stop. So if you are expecting that to happen please don't disillusion yourselves. Just remember Jesus died on the cross so we could kill each other guns and next time you see a random wacker lets just say its hunting season come early. 'CONSPIRACY THEORIES ' By: Jerry Fletcher So I says to the guy, "You gotta be missin' some punches in that there time card of yours if you actually believes them crewleaders when they says that they are all about peace". You knows all them bosses who keep sayin' that they wants ta talk? Well of course they are gonna say that, they want to keep their ears on straight. It's when you gets em behind closed doors that they show their real faces. When they says to their crew that it's family business, and they talk about the hits theys gonna be carryin' out. And I ain't talking about Relapsed either (old news, that dog ain't got no new tricks). I hears that "no bloodshed" means "except when it's in retaliation", and he's lookin' for some blood to settle up accounts, if yous knows what I mean. Accounts gotta be reconciled, ain't no one gonna argue with that, but yous gotta wonder why a crewleader has gotta lie about something like this. And if he's willing to lie about something so little, what big skeletons has he gotta have in that giant closet of his on Fremont? You wanna talk about lights though.... 'THE STORY ABOUT THE GANG LIFE: PART ONE ' By: party-girl There was once a gang who was very new. There were four guys in the gang: Joseph, Curtis, Alex and Buck. They were friends for life and they helped each other from pre-school. They all lived in LA they were drug dealers. One day all four were going down the street to sell some drugs, but one guy ran and stole the drugs from them. They were all thirteen years old at the time and they ran and chased the thief. Alex had a gun: he pulled the gun out and shot at the thief seven times until he was dead. They were shocked at what had happened and Alex hadn’t wanted to kill the thief, but in the heat of the moment he had. When they got home to Joseph, Curtis said, “Hey, I got an idea. Maybe we could be a gang? A real street gang and sell drugs and everything. we will be rich.” Joseph and Buck liked this idea, but Alex didn’t. He really wanted to be a singer, but he said yes, and they started their gang. More about their life in the next issue. Keep reading to hear more about this gang. 'THE GOOD LIFE ' By Graceless Showgirls. Showgirls. Showgirls. And in amongst the callgirls with too much rouge and the John's with wifey back at the hotel is a tiny little rhinestone of a joint called Little J's. Don't let the exterior fool you, one glance into this tucked away bar will show you that it ain't all hustlin' and dealin' in Sin City. The heat may drive a man to see palm trees and water, but this Rocky Mountain girl spent her first day in the oasis sucking back gin and tonics and soaking up atmosphere in this colourful club. No glitter, no fuss, just loud laughs and men chomping cigars. A porterhouse steak and a few gin and tonics later (3 bucks ain't a bad deal, folks), I must admit, even I tried out the dance floor, showing the who is who of the LV scene that this small town gal ain't no square when it comes to enjoying the finer things in life. Sure, it Little J's isn't black tie, but it sure doesn't try to be. And I hate pretentious wannabe's. Wannabe's don't know how to slide glass down a bar. Little J's is au natural in the city that made feathers and glitter a cliche. And just as soon as Tom Jones is born, you'll understand why. It's a damn fine good life, despite the damning heat in this city. 'GUIDANCE, WISDOM AND TRAUMA ' By Miguel Every issue, I will answer as many questions I can, submitted by you, the reader. Please mobmail me with your question(s) as often as you’d like. By contributing to my column, you are contributing to the ever-growing popularity of this fine newspaper. Dear Migs, A kind man bought me a real fur coat because he said I looked cold and thought it would keep me warm it is lovely but I am against wearing real fur , how can get him to change it without hurting his feelings? Baby_Buns Dear Buns, That won’t happen, so you’d better just be brutally honest and tell him that you doubt his judgment if he honestly thought you’d enjoy it. After he’s out of the picture, I’ll buy you a nice, new down filled coat. Signed, Miguel ********** Dearest Miguel, What's your favorite color? Always, Suzanne Suzanne, Whatever color you happen to be wearing next time I see you, I guess. And when you’re not around, I’m partial to pink. Signed, Miguel ********** Dear Mr. Miguel, My dad likes to tickle me until I wet my trousers, how do I tell him that I feel uncomfortable with it without hurting his feelings? Love, Sefton Dear Sefty, I once had that same problem, but replace ‘dad’ with ‘prostitute’. I’ll tell you how I handled that situation: I slapped her and didn’t pay her. Not sure if it applies here, but it’s worth a try. Signed, Miguel 'DAHL HOUSE…ONE DOLL’S POINT OF VIEW ' A Commentary by BarbieDahl Ok…so it’s been awhile since my last column. If you actually read it…you know I got myself married. That lasted a full 23 hours. I told that man this would happen. But did he listen…no. Ok, so no use crying over spilled husbands. Time to pick myself up and dust myself off. So…what do I do with the rest of my life? Oh…I know…I’ll try a life of crime. I do a few petties, rank myself up (yeah, you read that right) and joined a family. So, I get arrested for robbing an old lady. I was doing some hard time in the Pen. I was going crazy in there, thought I might start a riot and kill myself a few guards. But finally, my one-minute sentence was over. It’s so hard to find a good manicurist in prison. I will miss Bubba though. What was I thinking??? I’m not a criminal. I only stole that purse because Granny had a shade of lipstick that Macy’s was out of stock on. Who was I kidding? I’m a pampered doll, not some common thief. I need a job, that’s what I need. So, I found employment doing what I do best…talking (yeah, imagine that, someone is now paying me for this). Back to the luxurious lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed. Then a get a letter from TieDomiIII. Just when I thought I was out…he pulls me back in. So now I’m the leader of the most feared and respected (ok, maybe not yet, but give it time) underground crews. I’ll steal boxers, briefs…even a few pairs of granny panties (only a few, I don’t want to spoil myself, you know). My final thought…be afraid, be very afraid. 'NEW EDITOR JOINS GAZETTE TEAM ' A new Editor has joined CarmelaDeAngelis to co-run, edit, write and compile your favourite newspaper, The Mafia Gazette. After several months of solo operation, it was decided that another Editor would be beneficial to the running of the newspaper. We are proud to introduce Graceless to you, the readers. She joined the team only recently, but has already had a major impact on the running and frequency of the newspapers. Born and raised in Denver, Graceless comes from a decent, hardworking family, educated to college level at Hutchison’s College for Young Ladies where she earned a degree in Literature and The Arts and spent some time at her family’s winery in Italy. She has now returned to the US and will be travelling around the cities while retaining a suite at the Brown Hotel in Denver as a correspondence address. The announcement of her appointment to the position was slightly delayed to allow Graceless to settle in and find her feet here at the Gazette and we hope you will now join us in giving a very warm welcome to Graceless. All correspondence to the Mafia Gazette can now be sent either to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago, or to Graceless, c/o the Brown Hotel in Denver. Please watch for Graceless visiting your city in the near future as she travels round the country. 'OBITUARIES ' Asphyxiation: Born: Nov 5th 11:08PM in Atlanta Died: Jan 9th 5:02PM in Los Angeles Rank: Street Boss ** 2006-01-09 18:20 - Cold-Hearted: WTF..?!?! This is complete and utter bullshit. Love yah hun. RIP, Have your daughter contact me upon return. ** ** 2006-01-09 18:25 - Smoke5: RIP my friend ** Philepo_Corleone: Born: Dec 30th 12:17PM in Los Angeles Died: Jan 9th 3:56PM in Los Angeles Rank: Street Boss ** 2006-01-09 16:02 – Balbina: *walks up to the coffin, her eyes stained with tears, she gives Philepo a kiss on his stone cold cheek* why? who could do this to my price charming! R.I.P baby, Heaven has another Angel! Xxx ** ** 2006-01-09 17:08 - AGhost1yApparition: RIP pal. ** Irish_Cream: Born: Dec 1st 10:14AM in Las Vegas Died: Jan 9th 9:31AM in Las Vegas Rank: Wise Guy ** 2006-01-09 09:41 – Elmo: Damn very bad to see a fellow Irish Man go RIP @)--)--- ** ** 2006-01-09 19:29 – Charlie: I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my body, the breath knocked from my lungs...the moment you died a bit of me died with you....just not sure what bit yet. Rest in peace my sweet. ** Alberto: Born: Dec 8th 12:50AM in Los Angeles Died: Jan 9th 8:12AM in Las Vegas Rank: Street Boss ** 2006-01-09 18:58 - StannyBoy_Geraci: RIP friend damn shame what happened? ** ** 2006-01-09 10:21 – Rache: Rest in peace, friend. ** red123456: Born: Oct 18th 3:35AM in Chicago Died: Jan 9th 7:11AM in Las Vegas Rank: Made Man ** 2006-01-09 09:27 - Dark—side: RIP red, sad day this has become indeed. I thought all this had been taken care of, obviously I was wrong. Dark ** ** 2006-01-09 07:15 – Necro: RIP, guess you don’t need those horses where you are going.It was nice meeting such a distinguished gentleman as yourself, and you were quite cute, too. ** 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Now open in Southeren Atlanta is the Icrcreme bar we are a barnd new facility and i know you will enjoy it! Our Grade A service will estound you. You will feel at home when you come on down And try us, youll be glad you did! 02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:53, February 15, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '